I thought being engaged would mean I’d finally have that lifelong companion who would match me in every way. I thought he would know exactly what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling without me having to say a word.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that I thought this in an obvious way. I had what I thought was a realistic view of what a relationship would be – I’d spent so much time worrying about not getting divorced that I’d given plenty of thought to how crucial good communication would be. But, as much as I hate to admit it, I expected a greater sense of ‘completion’ (eugh!) and ‘just knowing’ when it came to be 6 weeks before the wedding.
For a long time the fact that I did not feel those things in the way I expected to, was a great source of fear and trembling and many tears. Thank. God. I have friends with their heads fully screwed on who gave me the courage to push past that crap. Because here I am, 6 weeks before our wedding, happy and ready for a new adventure. Not because I’ve ticked all my boxes and am Complete and Know, but because I find myself engaged to a Real Live Person. That is a much better adventure than I could ever have asked or imagined.
I’m afraid that’s it. No profound moral and a bit repetitive of my previous post. But that’s what’s happening in my small corner : I am marrying a Real Live Person.
Its nice 😀