A parking ticket.
Monthly Archives: March 2009
So, this afternoon I ended up having to have quite a difficult conversation with someone. Can’t go into too much detail, but things about the conversation had exhausted me, unsettled me and gave me some reasons to feel fearful enough to want to put some things in place to protect myself.
There I am, sitting in my car, playing it all over in my head, worrying about stuff and wanting to crawl into bed to escape, my finger hovering over my phone wondering who I could call. I’m feeling weighed down, like I just can’t face the people-work I have to do tonight, wishing that the person who was meant to call me back had called… Next thing my phone rings. It just comes up as a number (as I recently lost my phone in an unfortunate moment), so I think its maybe the phone call I’d been waiting for.
But no… it was my long-lost American friend. We haven’t spoken in maybe over a year – the only contact having been a series of ‘so-sorry-its-been-so-long’ Facebook messages about 2 months ago. There was no conceivable reason she should phone. And, to be honest my heart kinda sank because I was far from the appropriate mood for catch-up chat.
“Hi” she says, “How are you?”
I give a slight groan and think about how to answer that…
“Only its just…” she continues, “…I just very suddenly out of nowhere felt like I needed to call you. Like, not that I should call you someday, but that I should call you, like NOW. URGENTLY. Are you okay?”
My answer flowed out in grateful tears.
… a good day with good conversation topped off with a grrrreat film.
… Friday socks that come out of the wash in time for Friday.
I have, of late, been somewhat pleased with myself at a dodgy pun… In the way that ‘racists’ are against other races, I wondered if true ‘Calvinists’ are against those who say “I am a Calvinist” in everyday conversation.
Not really very smart, nor particularly clear, nor funny etc etc.
But anyway, it serves to illustrate the fact that I have recently struggled to feel anything other than negativity and suspicion towards someone who would thus declare loud and proud (I even heard it in French: “Je suis Calviniste”).
Now, when I think about it with my cynicism switch flicked off, I recognise that I really don’t know enough about Calvinism to come to a complete and final decision on it all; plus I’m told that what people claim as Calvinism isn’t really very similar to Calvin’s works…. However, my general experience of those who hold to all this has been… less than enjoyable and I’ve been… less than gracious about it all.
ANYWAY. Talking to a girl last night and a conversation with one of those ”I-am-a-Calvinist” people last week, I’ve had a slight change of heart. Not about the whole issue, just about not being so quick to judge people in it all. See, I’ve realised that for some people, they grew up in great fear and floundering – feeling the meaninglessness and randomnidity of life. They felt lost, unloved, insignificant…
Then they discover that God is sovereign. The freedom, joy and reassurance floods in: someone cares, someone understands, someone has a plan… I can understand why this might be something with which they might want to identify themselves, something that they would want to fight for and something to revel in.
So… I’m going to be slower to judge in future.
Or at least TRY…
Okay, so a while ago I posted about discipleship asking a bunch of questions and got really very little response… I actually WOULD appreciate some input from people about this, so at risk of appearing needy, I am posting again!
The crux of it is the following…
Discipleship. Are there methods to the madness? What are those ‘difficult questions’ that so many claim they need to be asked? What does ‘being intentional’ really look like? Okay, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all model, but surely there must be some principles somewhere to work from?
Really my question is this: If true change is brought about by the Holy Spirit, how do I BEST play my part in facilitating that work? Any suggestions?