I don’t know what it is and I’m not sure I’ve always felt it… But church often makes me feel lonely.
On expressing this rather clumsily to someone one morning, he asked if I meant that our church wasn’t friendly enough. But I don’t think so… It almost seems to be the opposite. Or something.
Its got to be true that for those who don’t go home to a bustling family dinner, Sunday can be a killer. I’ve definitely sometimes associated this Sunday-loneliness with that. But I’m aware that at times, its not something that would be cured with an invite to join others’ bustle.
I wonder if it would be cured had I my own bustling brood to provide for. I’d definitely have less time to think about it, that’s for sure.
But I don’t know.
Church for me often stirs up longing that I can’t quite put my finger on, can’t quite find a name for. A longing for more? More what?
my small corner 
Something about this post makes me see church as beautiful. That church would draw out our deep and fragile emotions seems right and good. Kind of like when you’re a kid and something makes you want to cry and you hold your shit together in front of your friends but as soon as you go home to your mum it all comes bubbling out. *insert adult for kid and friend or spouse or mum for mum!
Except, I think that’s the thing… Its the going home and have no-one to bubble your… em, hang on that’s a horrible image!!! No-one to spill your guts out to, ya know?
I wrote this post a year ago and ended up not posting it cos I thought I might be able to wrap it up nicely. So much for that! Church these days is less fraught (and frequent) and well, frankly, there’s less Jayber around 😉
Hey, that sounds like I’m being blamed for something!
These are very interesting thoughts Rach. The idea of church stirring up longing it can’t quite satisfy, and so making us feel lonely. And in a way, the more church succeeds in being something like a genuine community, the sharper that pang can be. And I’m sure you’re right that this experience can be harder/sharper for those who don’t have a family to go home with.
What do we do with these stirred up feelings of longing? As you hint, more dinner invites and fellowship lunches may not be the answer.
Good thoughts. Glad you’re blogging again.